I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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