Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Lo siento on account of my penis...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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