I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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