At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think your dad took our porno
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize