I think im going to throw up on grandma
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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