no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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