i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
