I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize