No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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