if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
