i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
