the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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