i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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