He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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