They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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