The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
