Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
