2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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