A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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