Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
50% drunk capacity currently
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
