so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
