I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
