I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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