I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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