he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Who put my cat in the fridge?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
