i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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