my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
