We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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