my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
