I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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