Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
