i may or may not be watching the land before time
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
