I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
