all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
