My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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