I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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