There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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