I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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