I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
