i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
