Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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