hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
