I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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