sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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