1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize