I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
