Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
