She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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