he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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