The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
