please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
