Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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