I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
