It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
