Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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