What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
