my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
