Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize