just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
