she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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