You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize