If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
