my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
