I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
