Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have aggressive nipples.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
