I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
