oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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