PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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