I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize