He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
try to milk me bitch
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