Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So vagazzling was a success
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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