That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i dont even know how to be here
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
