I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
