party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
