Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
