Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
