yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
no, he came in my armpit
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
