i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
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