so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
